While contemplating on what to write about foster care, I pondered exactly what my words should convey. Should my words be fluffy and happy while painting the picture of the perfect couple out to rescue all the poor, broken and helpless children out there in this cold and dark world? These children, praying someone, anyone would rescue them out of their hopeless pit of an existence. Is this the actual reality? That is the mentality I had and boy, did I have a major wake up call. I pictured my husband and I suiting up in our super hero attire, waiting by the phone and answering that call in the middle of the night with hot cocoa in hand and a sweet bedtime story on stand by. The children ,upon arrival, looking in our eyes with adoration and wonder asking themselves, "Where is this wonderful place in which we have been whisked away to?" Reality was a comin' and it was about to hit us like a ton of bricks. Jesus had called us to simply be a light in the darkness that is foster care and when light exposes darkness, it sure ain't pretty. While other foster care blog posts will only paint foster care as beautiful and the most amazing thing in the world, I'm going to give you the ugly truths of it: Ten Reasons NOT to consider Foster Care.
Truth #1 Family and friends who you think will support and stand by you no matter what WILL NOT understand what you are doing and why. They will be all gung- ho in the beginning, but when the going gets tough watch them start to drop off like flies.
Truth #2 Foster care is ugly. The environment where the children are coming from is complete and utter darkness, and when the Darkness has a collision with the Light let's just say the Powers and Principalities that Paul writes about in Ephesians can make total chaos in your life, especially if you don't have any idea from where it is coming from or what is going on.
Truth #3 Prepare to be under a microscope. Your medical history, your thoughts and feelings about life, how you handle problems under pressure, marriage stability, relationships with parents, your house turned up side down and inside out by DFCS and that is all BEFORE children are placed in your home.
Truth #4 Ugliness and sin within yourself will be brought to the surface. Have you ever heard the analogy of squeezing or putting pressure on the tube of toothpaste? The harder the tube is squeezed the faster and more messier the mess.
Truth #5 If you are married, you're marriage will be tested. My husband and I had been together 17 years and married 14 of those, and never before had we been through the fire like we had as the first years of experiencing foster care together.
Truth #6 Your Faith will be tested. God will show you your first love and where your loyalty truly lies. He sometimes reveals it is not Him.
Truth #7 Your heart will be completely shattered. No need to elaborate.
Truth #8 You may feel intense hatred towards some of the children. Harsh, I know, but this is being completely honest. Children from foster care are angry and don't understand why they were removed from their parents. Most of the time intense anger and frustration will be directed and focused entirely on the foster parents. These children come into your home extremely street smart and very intuitive of their surroundings and the emotions and moods of others. They will observe and watch their foster parents closely searching for a weakness. If you are super concerned with your appearance they will take notice of that and make derogatory comments about your looks. If they see you are concerned about your weight, they will call you fat. If they sense you and your significant other are having a disagreement, they will try to play one spouse against the other. They may destroy your belongings. Remember, these children were taken out of the Kingdom of Darkness and now are being exposed to the Kingdom of Light through imperfect human beings. Life will get messy and quickly.
Truth #9 Questions and statements from strangers and even friends and family can be awkward and uncomfortable. There is always, " I could never do what you do because I would get too attached." Please don't ever tell a foster parent this. The truth is it's never about us anyway, it's about the child.
Truth #10 You will not get rich from being a foster parent. If you are doing it primarily for the money, you will not be doing it for long, I will guarantee it. Actually, we have come out of own pockets a lot times because the money we did receive was just not enough.
I did not write this to scare anyone off. I wrote this because Foster Care is a calling and Jesus says in Luke 14:25-34 to count the cost of being His disciple. Foster Care is tough and it is ugly but there is great reward in picking up the cross and following Him, if not a reward in this life, in the life hereafter. Foster Care is also beautiful. There is mercy and redemption written into many of the lives of biological parents and children in foster care by the foster parents standing firm in the faith; being the Light and proclaiming the Gospel into the Darkness. I pray that if you do indeed make the giant leap of faith into the great unknown of Foster Care, please consider taking Jesus along with you on the ride. He makes it all worth it and He will be there to encourage you every step of the way!
